New cable modem with 2.5GbE port, new router with dual 10GbE ports (one SFP,) new desktop switch with multiple 10GbE ports. Just waiting on SFP transceivers and optical cable to connect router to office and I'll be set. (In-wall Cat5 is unreliable at 1 Gbit, no way it'll handle 10, so running an optical cable from router to office.)
If Comcast tells me "it's your equipment" one more time - π€¬ π€―