Protecting myself from April Fools’ by not knowing anybody.

Happy Trust No Announcements About TV, Movies, Gaming, or Any Other Media Day!

I have never felt more hopeless or less significant than I have over the past year, and it’s difficult for me to picture things improving on either front.

Does reality have, like, a supervisor?

If my staying asleep skills were on par with my falling asleep skills, I'd be unstoppable.

I hate having a supervillain backstory but lacking the focus and followthrough to become a supervillain.

I don't wish to participate in reality, but as a millennial stereotype, I apparently want a participation-in-reality trophy.

It's cute how the various retailers that fill my inbox with spam assume I can afford stuff.

I haven't seen 1 and 2 Body Problem, so I'd probably just be lost.

Sure, my life is empty, but not “become remotely invested in a celebrity coupling” empty.

Netflix and endlessly stress over things completely outside of my control?

I haven’t seen X-Men 01 through X-Men 96, so I’d probably just be lost.

Live long AND prosper? In THIS economy?!

You can tell I'm cool because of the dry, edgelordy rejoinders with which I respond to harmless tweets from an iconic puppet.

Fuck off, winter. You had your chance to winter when it was still winter.

Me: *has lived in the Midwest for the sizable majority of my life*

Also me: Why the fuck is snow in the forecast during the first week of spring?!

Developer: It’s a feature, not a bug.

Insect: Okay, wow.

It sometimes feels like my world ended last year and I'm currently living out an extended post-credits sequence.

@AskTheDevil I’d rather be one of his villains, honestly.

New comic! Wherein Cord celebrates St. Patrick's Day.

Given how utterly consumed I am by grief and anger, the fact that I haven't crossed over into supervillainy must indicate a clear lack of ambition on my part.