Follow
Some tweets of yore:
@IvoryGazelle
Me: it’s not you, I just don’t like talking on the phone, I’m super awkward oh god, u think I'm weird for saying that don't u
911 operator: ma'am is he still stabbing u
@Sickayduh
"I am the man who will fight for your honor, and dignity, and so on and so on" - Peter Et Cetera
@Manda_like_wine
Son, your father and I have something to tell you - you were adopted. Your new parents are waiting outside in the car.