#FirstCoffeeThoughts

Actual conversation ...

Person: What's your favorite movie?
Me: In what genre?
Person: Genre? (laughs) Ok nevermind.

I always prefer it when trash takes itself out. It means I have to do less work to protect my peace.

People often ask questions that they don't actually want answers to because they aren't truly looking for connection. They're bored and/or just want to talk about themselves.

It's like "How are you?" which is usually meaningless these days.

1/

There is no way for me to give a generic answer to that kind of question. I can't cross compare films from different genres, time periods, or even directors since all films are very different and give me different kinds of experiences.

They aren't all the same.

There are different kinds of horror movies, there are different kinds of westerns, there are different kinds of scifi etc.

I like RoboCop and I like Primer but one isn't better than the other, they are completely different films.

2/

People who ask generic questions, looking for generic answers or just to make conversation because they're bored or whatever, I don't have any time for.

It's very easy to tell what kinds of people are only interested in arguing, centering themselves, wasting time or using you to pass time.

It's also easy to tell people who don't think that deeply about media or (probably anything) and consider everything entertainment solely for them that they can't understand beyond lower order thinking.

3/

My movie poster test in college was the fastest way to determine whether someone was interested in themselves or me.

When you're meeting someone for the very first time, the last thing you should be focused on is centering yourself ... it's not a job interview (unless it is).

When you want to make a connection with another human being, it's a good idea to show an interest in learning about who that person is by asking questions and LISTENING to the answers fully.

Communication 101.

4/

When you care about connecting with someone, it's a two-way conversation, not a series of prompts that allow you to expand only on yourself because you think you're the most interesting person in the whole world and you want to share that with every stranger.

That's not a connection. That's you wanting to advertise, that's you wanting to center yourself and having an audience for that, that's you desperately wanting someone to care about you, but not vice versa.

That's social media.

5/

Connections in the real world shouldn't be like social media; prompts, advertisements, Tiktok sized blips with no depth and no opportunity for anyone to truly learn anything.

I think people have lost their ability to make meaningful connections and especially when that means taking a genuine interest in who other people are.

People have less time, less empathy, and ZERO attention spans to actually conversate with others in meaningful ways.

It's only out of boredom that most even try.

6/

I am a fan of questions.

I LOVE to ask questions and I LOVE to learn things from people in an oral way. I could listen to someone talk and talk and talk about what they do, what they love, etc. It's absolutely fascinating to me.

It's probably one of the sexist things to me as well; listening to someone talk about their passions, their work, the things that make them FEEL deeply and CONNECT with life.

Raw passions help me to begin seeing who a person is at their core; their epicness.

7/

I can't imagine asking someone a question that I didn't actually want to hear the entire answer to. I don't see the point of that at all.

If I really want a connection with someone, I'm hanging on every word, I'm trying to make sure I understand their passions, I'm trying to learn new and wonderful things about that person and see them as unique.

If they are doing the same towards me, that's a conversation; a two-way exchange of energy, knowledge, and passion that creates connection.

8/

𝘕𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘵𝘸𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬. - Epictetus

Learn to befriend silence.

Silence is one of the most amazing experiences one can have with oneself and also with other people.

Silence is mindfulness.

Silence doesn't just mean not speaking, it also means quieting the noise in your head when you are being spoken TO.

It means being present in the conversation and present FOR that other person.

Say less (as the kids say)
Listen more.

@thewebrecluse To be fair, I don’t watch a lot of films or tv. I actually have enjoyed being introduced to a few films I think I might watch from you posting videos on them. I would actually ask what your favorite films are because of my complete ignorance in the topic and it seems to be one of your favorite areas of exposure and knowledge.

@SatuUnelmia It always strikes me as odd when someone begins a sentence "To be fair ... " I'm unsure of what that means in the context of my post or your statement.

I'm happy to answer any questions about media but my personal preference for media is very specific to me and what I get out of media which is very different from even why most people even watch media. I share what I think is interesting via #RecluseReleases but my opinion is not a sales pitch by any means.

@thewebrecluse no! I didn’t take it like that at all! I felt bad reading how it would make you feel if I asked a question out of curiosity with no real knowledge about the topic. You are very intelligent and deeply thoughtfult on so many of your posts. To be fair, was me trying to say I would be the student in that conversation because I know nothing to bring any depth to the conversation except questions.

@SatuUnelmia Hmmm ... I think I have an understanding of where you were coming from but it wasn't so much about how I feel when people as me questions when they "have no real knowledge about the topic". It was about how people ask questions when they really don't care about the answers or, in the case of the example I gave, people who don't want to really hear what I personally think and just want to ask some generic question to make boring, disconnected conversations.

1/

@SatuUnelmia I love discussing media with people who are genuinely interested in learning about media from a different perspective; from someone who knows a lot about it, has background information about how a lot of media is made, has studied it, and comes at it from a perspective far beyond just "having something interesting to watch while I scroll through my phone because I can't stand being alone with my own thoughts too long". From a #MediaTherapy standpoint I'm happy to discuss it. ❤️

@SatuUnelmia What I'm not interested in is talking media with people who just want to assert their opinions about why something "sucks" simply because it didn't appeal to them or get into "fan debates" about nonsense topics that exist solely because people just want to have something to fight about with someone else even if its made up. Media is subjective and exchanging subjectivity is just really boring to me. People like what they like and its very personal, debating that is a waste of time.