My student loans have been a weight over the last 20 years of my life. I know I took them out. I went to college to be a minister and was counseled that my student loans were an act of faith. Christianity was not my path, their God was not my God. It was an expensive lesson that’s crippled me financially for decades.
I just got this email. There is hope that this burden will finally be over. On my current plan at 300 a month I was looking at a payoff date in the 2050s.
I struggled terribly after college. No matter what I did, I never managed to hold a job for much longer than a year. I’d get miserable, my mental health would get bad, I’d find something else, and jump, then the cycle would start over.
Truck driving, corrections, lots of call centers, convenience stores, retail… The list goes on and on.
There’s something in me that just doesn’t fit with the traditional structure of a work place, and it slowly eats me alive.
I’m not lazy, I don’t think at least. I will and do work very hard, but the normal work type stuff just doesn’t work for me.
On top of that, I do not greatly value or understand money, while I do understand its utility. I went vegan, when I didn’t have much more than 50 or 100 dollars a check for food, and lived off corn chips and soy nuggets a while.
My stress was constant, but sacrifices for values dearly held never bothered me much.
In 2009, I met and fell in love with the partner I would eventually legally marry. He insisted that I stop the cycle of meaningless jobs and take the time to work out what I wanted to do with my life, instead of focusing on survival.
He’s a software developer, and had a bigger salary than I could have imagined at the time, though it is a struggle to make ends meet for two people on his salary. It doesn’t go as far as I thought it would.
Again, the human obsession with green rectangles just kind of boggles me.
I started writing books, and going on “Missions” showing up and helping people in my extended network, or people I happened to meet that seemed safe enough to take a risk for showing up for.
I built a fence once, and learned how to use a jack hammer, I did some cross country moves, packing up the houses for friends that were disabled and driving the truck. I’ve done post op care for people post surgery…
One time I lived in Minnesota for six months over the coldest winter I’ve ever experienced helping someone through a mental health crisis.
I wander, when we can afford it, I’ll pay my ticket and head out there, when I can’t I’ll try to fundraise around, plane, train or bus, if I’m needed, I do my best to go
One of the bigger risks I’ve probably taken is when I met someone, talked with them for about 2 weeks, and then flew cross country to help them move
Didn’t realize how quick that happened
It worked out though. I’ve been in some really scary spots and moments too. My life is not without risk, and none of this is for my own aggrandizement. I don’t really want to be praised, or exactly seen.
I feel a calling towards service, and pointing the way towards hope, when I don’t have a mission, I write books that often focus on similar themes, hope, faith, sacrifice, all that good stuff.
I also aspire towards asceticism, as you all probably know by now.
So basically, I make almost nothing. I rely on my partner for much of but not all of my needs, and I have a few people that act as patrons through kofi. Between them, and book sales, I make about 1300 dollars a year on my own.
I take that and do my best to meet my own needs as much as possible. I save to buy the clothes that are in line with my values, or the materials I need to do my work. The rest of the stuff, I am truly dependent for.
I don’t want to profit off of what to do, I see no need for wealth out of enabling me to do what I do more.
My purpose is to wander, and to work for others, to help others. Again, this is not for my own aggrandizement, it feels awkward to be seen. I just want to do my work to make the world a little better, and live my faith.
It is from those precepts that I seek out simplicity, live with as little impact as possible, and try to get by on as little as possible.
While not ordained, not official, I consider myself a type of wandering heathen monk. My life is one of focus, service and devotion, and it’s taken me my entire life to figure all this out this far.
So, TL:DR the fact that this is one less burden that we have to carry will be helpful. It is not easy, we struggle a lot, my partners and I, but yet they consider what I do worthwhile enough to face that with me.
The way is the way, and I hope to live it in fullness and in truth.
So is this a #Meetthenauts or just the rambles of an extremely ND, odd little soul making the best of her weird little life? That’s up to you, dear reader, but thanks for listening all the same about what I do and why not having this student loan burden will mean so much to me… Even if its only reduced, it will be better than it was.
Onwards, Towards the dawn!
There's a group in Cecil County, Maryland that assists kids aging out of the foster system and represent them in court.
@GeezerWench Well that’s rad!
@GeezerWench I’m in Washington state, but I’m about to look into volunteering at the local shelter when I return home from my current “mission”
@NiveusLepus What an absolutely marvellous and brave life you have created in service to others! You are proof that angels walk amongst us.❤️🙏❤️
@JGSchaeffer You are kind to say so, I’d like to do more, I hope the Gods make it so.
I’m still trying to parse while I felt led to share that much. Visibility to me is kind of double edged. Sure it’s nice to be complimented, but the point and the focus should be the work not the words. I’d like to find a way to do more, to wander more, to help more.
“Save one man, save the world” That’s from one of my favorite lines in the Talmud.
Maybe by being seen a lil more I can do more.
It’d be lovely if the Light we put into the world, the weight our hearts carry with others, the love we share, the nurturance of our presence was the actual currency of life. And, honestly, in some ways, it really is.
It’s just those green rectangles. (Too bad that doesn’t refer to garden plots.)
I appreciate you becoming more visible. Your narrative is a gift.. you groovy soul. 💖
@ATXJane @NiveusLepus I think it is the actual currency and current, as in re-wiring the current of life. I think we are able to build love and connection, each in our small way into the circuitry of the human race. Or that’s how I see it anyway.❤️🙏❤️
Yes, I’m with you. 💯
@JGSchaeffer @ATXJane That’s a beautiful way of looking at it!
@NiveusLepus Yes, you sharing your story has, is and will touch others in ways you may never know. I think that’s one of the great mysteries of living. You show a different path possibility by your story. ❤️❤️❤️
@NiveusLepus I will admit that I do aspire to money because I cannot form connections with others and I need to know I can bribe someone to care about me in an emergency. I can't do most jobs due to sensory issues but I will suffer until close to my ruin to make cash to survive, like my old job. Can't say I want to serve others as much as I just want to survive and be comfortable. I feel too detached from most people to want to dedicate to serving them. Glad people like you exist.
@Cynanthrope We all have our place in the balance. What’s more, you and I have talked quite a bit, I know your life has been one of struggle, and hardship.
It is ok to want to have enough and to seek peace. I have, through no fault or work of my own, found myself in an immensely privileged position, one that I am trying to leverage to full effect to more enable the calling that I feel, and the duties that I feel I carry.
It is my hope, that you will find your happiness and peace.
@NiveusLepus thank you. My peace would likely be just knowing that I can afford to survive when I'm well and truly ditched alone. Having enough money to buy comfort/assistance when and if needed. I also just give up on being too kind because it is rarely appreciated in my experience. Glad that you found people who appreciated you even after you stopped giving out resources.
@NiveusLepus I have also found that most people only want me for utility and beyond that, you rarely get back what you put in. I could say that the world is like a Skinner box but humans are like fruit machines - colourful, promising a jackpot and it is so easy to be pulled in by the false promise of top prize and flashing lights. However, like the fruit machine, you're most likely going to lose all of the resources you put in to them and come off poorer.
@NiveusLepus Thank you for sharing your story and beliefs, as always <3 And I'm glad your loans are getting forgiven, too.
I've always found it ridiculous that loans were needed to pay for education, but I'll decline to hop on my ever-present soapbox at this moment :)
I want to reduce suffering as much as I can, so I follow a herbivorous path, I want to be able to move in an instant if I’m needed, so I sleep on my mat on the floor (Which also just works for me) and never unpack my suitcase, normally I can be underway in a half an hour if there is an urgent need to.
I work out hard, not just for fitness but so I can do the tasks I need to do, and I pursue mindfulness, and my monastic routines so I can ever reflect on and live my values to the hilt.