Imagine being such a shitty person that you have to find the negative in the release of a U.S. citizen that was unjustly imprisoned in a foreign country.

Dumb pet peeve: when football analysts refer to quarterbacks as “signal-callers”

Time is money and money’s time
We wasted every second dime
On diets, lawyers, shrinks and apps and flags and plastic surgery
Now Willy Wonka Major Tom, Ali, and Alecia have moved on
Signal the final curtain call in all its atomic pageantry
-A Perfect Circle

@DevinY1 my kid is definitely masc presenting. They wear a skirt occasionally, but everything else is standard teenage boy garb

Fantasy football team update (all dynasty teams)
10-3 (sole possession of 1st)
10-3 (sole possession of 1st)
3-10 (11th place; rebuild team)

Fantasy football team update
9-3 (sole possession of 1st)
9-3 (tied for 1st but other team has scored more points)
3-9 (11th place; rebuild team)

@The_USA_Singers eat each others’ faces, you lousy leopards

@cornered Monday Night Football always gets the worst teams, even though the schedule is set way in advance

Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and my wife swearing like a sailor while playing Alex Legends

@The_USA_Singers he’s more like Saruman. He thinks he’s going to swoop in and be powerful but will end up being the means to his own end.

@MelIssa_Tart guess it depends on what a Twitter sin is

@ChristopherBudd I saw someone on the bird say something like
Week 1: hahaha leave advertisers! We don’t need you!
Week 2: why are all the advertisers leaving? It must be a conspiracy against me

Rodgers going out and Love going in won me a fantasy match.

Seahawks. #pain

(FYI that Metcalf catch was a catch)

Mike Jackson is not good.

@sheather I’m In the same boat. I’ve been out all last week. I wonder if I should log in tonight or get bombarded in the morning

The Seahawks run defense makes me want to barf

Seahawks have a home game against a dumpster fire opponent. That means this game will be way too close for comfort.

Daughter: “I don’t like Peppa Pig anymore because I’m 5 now.”

@MeTheUnfiltered oh, it’ll be much worse