I am having a pile of pancakes today, and I do not give a fig if this is going to require two days of recovery to get back into keto.

Some days are for 🥞.
Full stop.

To be clear:

I'm fine.

Just... *super* isolated this year, in a way that sometimes makes the normal run of events for someone who looks different here overwhelming if I don't manage my stress levels well.

I have to figure out how to fix a few things long term, but... 2023 has just been a very bad year. One day at a time is the best I can do right now.

Hope you're all being good to yourselves if this has been a tough year for you too. 🫂

We'll get through this one to complain about the next!

Yesterday my walk to clear my head landed me in a difficult scenario. Tried to do one nice thing (paid for someone's coffee while passing my vendor-friend) & ended up being sexually harassed with a level of persistence I haven't seen in a while, in a way that suggests real mental damage on their part. It happens - but it was my final straw, so I put myself to bed rather than be awake through a breakdown.

...Which was a good call! 🎉
I clearly needed to catch up on sleep.

Fresh start Monday. 🙂💪

(And I'll be fine, but I do think it's important to be open about the emotions we carry with us into any supposedly more elevated discourse. All of our "higher reasoning", all of our "factual debate", is carried out by bodies working through biochemical highs and lows. Our bodies don't know that we're just being keyboard warriors when they react to yet another biochemical stress input. They're built for the plains predators, not info wars - and let's never forget it. 👌🏻)

Whew. Today needs a few more revs of the ol' crank.

The world isn't all awful, but I've already seen two people steal a bag from a sleeping unhoused person (the woman stealing while the man watched; then both set off laughing--nothing I could do in time).

And I had a middling cry!

Stress headache while trying to edit overdue work triggered a completely unhelpful set of negative thoughts.

So. Walking. Head-clearing. Coming back to try again.

Brain stuff! It lies to you. 🙃

#TouchingGrassTime

Morning folks. ☕️

I didn't sleep well. Active nightmares, which isn't surprising, when the days are full of them too.

On mornings like this, my first act is to forgive myself for waking in such a foul mood. Can't control first waking thoughts. *Can* control what comes next.

We're so wired these days that many can't help but focus on threats.

We are *raring* to make a stand somewhere, somehow.

But what are we doing about the hurt behind this reaction?

How are our actions helping us to heal?

All right, ladles and jellyspoons - (mala)props to you all for your brilliant and hilarious contributions.

Time to get back to writing. Have a lovely evening, however you choose to frittata it away! 😘

Okay folks. Question time!

What's your favourite malapropism?

Today I learned that "spitting image" is a malapropism! But we're not sure if it comes from "spit and image" (from "he's the very spit of..." someone else), or - and I think this makes more sense - *spirit and image*, deformed over time. But so many forms have been used, no one knows for sure!

Other fun ones:

On tender hooks ("tenterhooks")
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but you mean your mother.

What's your favourite?

Literally walked a block & ran into three stories. 🙃

One, a street fellow told me about being robbed recently & how scared that makes him on the street. We swapped stories & discussed safer places to beg.

Two, a slightly tipsy fellow heading home pulled out his phone to show me pictures of his mom and nephew, beaming with pride for them. #Wholesome

Three, a friend is on his way to Venezuela to help his sick mum.

There is literally no escaping being part of the world once I step out my door.

👌

Gift. Gifted. Given. Never Gif up. Never surrender.

For everyone else...

As disruptive as the party is, I didn't realize how much I just needed to see kids happily enjoying their childhoods right now.

Of course, not far from these kids there's a little girl with her father begging on the highway, but... it's important to remember the standard we're striving for: a society where *everyone* is safe like this, and can know joy in community.

Still a long, long way to go, mi gente. 💛

Relatedly:

Only a few people will understand the context for this, but honestly... after all the gruesome videos I've been watching to stay ahead of misinformation these past few weeks... *any time* I hear a catchy children's song, I'm always brought back to this one.

#IfYouKnowYouKnow

(CW: Don't listen if you're susceptible to earworms! It is *definitely* something you could have stuck in your head for hours.)
https://youtu.be/1wsrgBI_0kc

There is now a children's Halloween Party on blast in my courtyard, so... everything I need my brain for will take longer.

So far I have heard English Baby Shark, Spanish Baby Shark, the Macarena, the Gorilla, and a slew of reggaeton and cumbia-fusion beats that... don't really seem age appropriate but I guess also aren't as bad as they could be? 🙃

Going for a walk to clear my head, then more coffee, so I can focus on revisions for two pieces today.

Good luck and stay safe from ear worms!
🚫👂🪱

My plan this morning:

Get up. Have water. Make coffee. Finish a piece.

Where I'm at this morning:

Doomscrolling.

Just... doomscrolling.

🤦🏻

Time for a reset. Water. Coffee. Words.

No more news!

Just words.

All right. Taking a walk, then settling into some novel work for the rest of the night.

I wish we lived in a world that didn't gamify death & suffering.

I *love* the alt-planets you fine folks dreamed up today instead.

If you ever pull one of them off - call me. I'm ready!

Otherwise...

Thank you for your presence here. It's not perfect. We carry in us a spectrum of competing views and wounds. Sometimes we bite.

But we try to catch ourselves, and do better.

Good grief, do we ever try.

❤️🕊️

#War

If it isn't perfectly clear:

War is the fucking worst.

My heart is with everyone sick to their stomach at how much trauma is heaped upon trauma in these terrible days.

Dead loved ones weaponized. Sordid details traded as fuel.

I wish the families, friends, & communities of everyone affected by this war *so* much more peace to grieve their losses than this brutal state of affairs will ever allow.

We're going to be living with the walking wounded from this for years. For lifetimes.

#War

Worse yet, Be'eri is the site of a *lot* of complicated internal reporting, related to IDF strikes when deployed against terrorists. There's already lots of local, upsetting chatter about crossfire deaths involving that stricken community.

I know, I know, it's the hellsite, & whoever's running Israel's handle has always taken a provoking stance to their work.

But still... those are not officially released names. Everyone needs to treat the dead with respect.

Especially the children. 🕯️

#War

Oof. Remember when I said I was worried about how the families of babies will be targeted if/when names are matched, in relation to the gruesome uncorroborated rumour?

The official X handle for Israel has posted a (happier times) photo of toddlers killed in Be'eri, plainly to fortify resolve, but...

Those children haven't been posted with ages yet. I count 14 from Be'eri lacking photos & ages in the official list.

I *really* hope the account isn't recklessly drawing attention to them.

#RandomThoughts

Let's say you get to build a new planet.

Did you know that was a common thought experiment in other centuries?

When most people learned how big the universe was, they assumed it was full of life, or that other planets were waiting for Earthly overflow.

So join your ancestors in the game!

You get to build yourself a planet to live on.

Now I'm assuming it'll be known for peace, after life on this stinker... 🤔

But what's the *second* best thing your world will be known for? 👀