@q00w2

Hey, no kink-shaming the people who get off on being a doormat!

As you note, more than a few of them are so committed to their kink that they sought the highest offices in the land through which to debase themselves, in full public view. 😉

@MLClark

Joking aside, I've recently understood how someone can still love someone who is abusive to them … And I discovered it watching Hannibal (2013), of all things. It's possible to ignore the worst in someone just to continue enjoying the best in them. Never understood it before. 😂 🤷‍♀️

@q00w2

Oh, very interesting! (And Hannibal's psychology is terrific.)

I grew up in an angry home, so I spent most of my early life thinking that loving someone was intrinsically painful, involving the constant possibility of abuse. Or at least, that any love in *my* life would be painful. I saw other people in situations where love didn't seem so painful, but I rationalized that as something they merited. Meanwhile, I was loved precisely the way an awful person like me deserves.

Ah, youth. 😅

@MLClark

I had the abusive upbringing, too, and I just swore I'd never be a part of it. The worst betrayals are those by your immediate family—it never stops stinging. 😂

@WordsmithFL

I'm trying to think if there's anything in US culture that serves the way tea does in the UK, and the way a cheap black drip coffee (tinto) serves in South American cultures.

I prefer tea, but tinto is a core unit of social exchange: cheap and small enough to allow people to be polite and pass a bit of time together, without any greater pressure.

North American 'hoods aren't designed for similar street rituals, though. Every man, his own castle - and SUV to the grocery store. ;)

@MLClark Hmmm ... People ask, "Do you want to get a cup of coffee," but I think it's more about the destination and the company. It could be Dunkin Donuts, it could be Starbucks, it could be a boutique coffee shop.

No one says, "Do you want to get a tea" or "Do you want to get a soda."

I don't drink coffee, so I'd ask if I can get something else there, even just water, because it's more about the event than the liquid.

@WordsmithFL

Yes, but that is an *event*: you go somewhere together and you're stuck there with that person for a while.

Taking tinto on the street is a much more casual affair: a tinto is small, cheap, and already on the way.

Maybe in another decade it would be similar to taking a daily gander at the newspapers at most every streetcorner?

But there's so little casual street vending in North America that the opportunities just don't arise for neighbourhood cordiality in the same way.

@MLClark Hmmm ... I've never lived a place where one would take a beverage on the street to continue a conversation. SoCal was a very mobile society. The Space Coast is semi-rural. Perhaps it's different in a dense urban environment, e.g. NYC, Chicago, downtown L.A.

@WordsmithFL

Yes, it was a huge culture shock for me, too, when I first moved.

You learn so much about the social contract you'd taken for granted once you're called upon to "swim" in other waters. This is probably best for a VM, but if you ever think of a moment of culture shock that really stood out in all your moves, I'd love to hear about it!

(For now, the moment of truth: time to see if the local mall's internet works, and ger drafting today's piece either way! 🤞🏻)

@MLClark In SoCal, if someone stops you wanting to have a conversation, that is viewed with suspicion. They might even yell at you or consider calling the police.

When we moved to the Space Coast, people in the store or on the street were always saying hello and wanting me to take the time to chat.

For example, when I went cycling today in the neighborhood, everyone I passed on the street -- standing, walking, cycling -- would wave or nod and say hello. They expect a response.

@MLClark The other culture shock was the racism this simmers just below the surface here. Whites and blacks usually don't intersect. I always went out of my way at my last job to say hello to minorities and interact, but I was the exception to the rule. I've told you that I intervened a couple times when white racists were bullying black co-workers.