mah mumzi dis morninz toldz me ai is a very beautiful ladee!

@DualReality69 Thanks for favouriting my status!

I've just had to give a bollocking by text to some pompous bloke who has a PhD in his 20s, is a chess master and various other things, and never lets anyone forget it, he always comes out with ''big adult words'' that most people have no idea about and who thinks the universe owes him something. He's a druggie and alcho BY CHOICE and been harassing and stressing my hubby for months so in the text, amongst other things I put ''your penchant for pomposity is staggering'', That should flatten him!

When in the shower this morning and had a sneezing fit and some shampoo trickled down into my mouth...UGH! What a d.i.s.g.u.s.t.i.n.g taste!

When filling out an online survey and it wants my year of birth so I put in 1965 and it wouldn't accept it! I tried 3 times then realized I'd put 1665! I know I'm no cute chicken any more but that's ridiculous!

We don't have kids by choice but we have a female cat who is our ''daughter'' and she's our beloved baby. We use our own spoons to mix her breakfast and dinner but yesterday I paid £2.19 in Boots for these, so now our little fur god has her own spoons!

Our Wopsie scared the stuffing out of me this morning! She knows she gets fed brekkie about 7 am Monday-Saturday and about 8 on Sunday. This morning I was in bed, flat on my back about 6:40. She was on the floor somewhere when, with absolutely no warning at all she leapt straight up and screeched MEOW! At the top of her voice as she heavily landed on my guts! OOOOMMPFF! All within a split second! Then she laid on my right shoulder and sang to me! I died laughing!

I'M GOING TO MURDER THE OLD GIT! Our bed is a double but we have a king-sized duvet as we love the extra all around the edges. In bed last night as hubby turned over he took the duvet with him leaving me bare with just a top corner to cling on! I asked '' can I have some duvet please, sweetie?'' He asked ''why?!'' I replied '' to cover me arse!'' He replied ''you'd need another king-sized duvet for that!''

I came into work this morning to find Sid Slug on my desk and he'd taken over my job! I evicted him to outside forthwith!

We caught our Wopsie doing that as we were coming up the stairs yesterday, wiping her arse on the carpet! We died laughing!

#InternationalWomensDay

Happy International Women's Day to all you gorgeous ladies out there!

Weirdos on Quora are getting weirdier and weirdier every day!
Totally genuine question from Brian Bannerman:
''My daughter wants to buy a can of tuna fish. What should I do?''
WHAT?!

When talking to our cat I SWEAR she says no/nope, OK, mum and alright in human language!

Also, yesterday I couldn't get my monthly dose of Ramipril and Amlodipine out as the chemist's system was down again and I could feel my b.p going up. Nurse confirmed it but I managed to get them out today so have taken one each!

As someone who has always had impossible veins for blood to be taken from, I've just been to the nurse and she managed to get 3 full tubes of it! We were both very happy bunnies today!

Paws up if you're a happy little bunny today!

When I'm laying in bed at night and let out a huge sneeze and our cat, who was laying on my shoulder, shoots through the roof with fright!

When you're working your arse off doing the business accounts on your spreadsheet and the entire lot freezes over for several hours, and you can't do a piggin' thing with it, not even able to Save! Please excuse me while I scream the place down!

I cashed in all of my spare change to a Coinstar machine this morning at Morrisons. There were two £1.00 coins and the rest in all other coins. By the time the machine had taken it's fee, I still had a whopping £37.75 for myself! Off into Morrisons for a few essentials and came out with a trolley load!

I'm going to do 20 years jail for MURDERING MY HUSBAND! We're at work here on Sunday, I've still got the bad cold I've had since Wednesday 25th January and can't shift it. I was sitting here at my laptop having another massive tight tickly wheezy coughing fit and he suddenly sounds BOO! at the top of his voice! I shot through the roof with fright while still coughing! I'll be sending him to his ''coughin'' in a minute! HA HA HA!