@KazzyH Thanks. I don't need to wish any hell on her, because nothing I could wish on her is worse than what hand Nature has dealt her. It's horrible.

I get why: she was raised by a beautiful, charming, incredibly cruel mother - who passed the abusive legacy down from her own mother. This shit goes back to my great-grandmother, maybe even before that. Mom wasn't wanted from even before she was born, & it hollowed her out by the age of 6.

Saddest of all is that I've never had a good, healthy, honest relationship with my mother.

She spent most of my life drunk, inflicting her demons on the rest of her family. Some of the shit she's pulled over the years is so fucked up it's inexcusable. She is *not* a good person.

Mostly I'm sad, when I feel about it. Bone-deep, sorrow is my blood, kind of sad.

Nobody should die like this. Brain diseases are shit.

Easier to look at my own spelling errors than at the haggard, dying woman that is my biological mother, & the reality of her situation. Mostly I stay detached from it. It's fucking horrifying when I can't.

Huh. Condition. Apparently I'm not spelling perfectly these days.

She's getting great care, at least; her providers and carers treat her with compassion & kindness, & seem as if they're up on the latest research & info re: her condision.

She was living at a memory care place but started attacking people, so had to leave.

Right now she's in a severe sundowning phase, with every single symptom: anxiety, agitation, restlessness, pacing, aggression, the works. She's currently locked up in a psych unit with a 24/7 sitter while they desperately try to find her a bed at a geropsych unit.

I don't blame Williams for ending his own life in the least. This shit is horrible. It's like living a horror story that gets worse every day.

Mom has Parkinson's dementia. It's a form of Lewy body dementia, the same thing Robin Williams had (more or less). Her brain is literally clogging with proteins & dying, bit by bit.

For full disclosure I'm thinking of the post-war era in the US here, so pretty specific, fwiw.

No, I mean the part where extended family support was no longer available & families became smaller & more isolated.

I usually associate the not-having-a-zillion-babies thing with the development of reliable birth control, not the nuclear family so much.

I wonder how much the invention of the nuclear family in the mid-20th century has contributed to the current state of elder care in the US.

@fuse Ooooh yeah I knew about the Solo cup thing. Genius.

Like, how many products have, say, serving markings on the outside of the jar? Or the cap holds a single serving of whatever the product is? Etc. etc.etc.

Yesterday I learned that whoever designed the bottle for my favorite creamer designed the cap to hold a single serving of said creamer. I.e., a serving is 1 Tbsp, and the cap holds 1 Tbsp.

Now I'm wondering how many other products out there have done something similar.

@MidnightRider I suppose there's truth behind the adage, "Sleeping like a baby."

Do you suppose there are any people on the planet who consistently get a good night's sleep, for real? Like maybe they have shorter bouts of insomnia or trouble sleeping, but most of the time they actually sleep really, really well?

@GeezerWench Thank you. It's hard - she has Parkinson's dementia. I believe staff & providers are doing all they can to bring her peace & stability.

Anyway. I have a face to wash & some journaling to do. Thank you so much to anyone who has listened & felt similar. I feel you, as you feel me. <3