Feminism is not wanting to be equal to a man. Feminism is wanting to be all that a woman can be. What each individual woman wants to be, not what she is expected to be.
We have always had to be a lot of things.
Regardless the time period, women have always been expected to be the homemakers and the caretakers. But we have also been the ones who made sure enough gambling money was hidden away for food and for bills, or that we earned that money when employment choices were few.
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We made sure that alcohol in the bottle was secretly poured down the drain; that bruises were adequately covered; that smiles were firmly affixed; that the home appeared spotless, effectively hiding the daily emotional wreckage; that our legs were splayed for others' enjoyment; or that an illusion of love filled the air.
We forsook our own wants for everyone else's needs, then we were told we were selfish for the longing.
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Now we are told ala the 70's jingle, "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you are a man." As if that was never the case? As if we could ever just be anything less?
Is it any wonder we are tired? Tired of games. Tired of being strong. Tired of preconceived expectations and limitation placed upon us by anyone and everyone else. Tired of pretending. Tired of holding back tears and anger and frustration.
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It's not surprising that many women turn introspective on their sexuality, that at times we crave more than mild-mannered kisses and performative hugs. We need a force to be reckoned with comparable to our daily output of energy.
A hold on the throat may be seen as a form of constraint, a band of control. Possession. Ownership. It is. But it is so much more. It's an acknowledgement of the vulnerability. It's a message that we don't need to be strong in that moment of intimacy.
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It's an overt power shift that tells a woman she is allowed to let go. Expected to let go. It allows us to just give in. To just feel. To just be.
And that is a hard-earned reward not to be taken lightly.
Feminism is about embracing whatever the fuck makes us want to go on day after day after day. And honestly, we just don't care about your judgments anymore.
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