Todayβs #Tumblr is brought to you by reading comprehension. Or the lack thereof.
@Nimthiriel
I am baffled. What was that? π€
@Krysdammit This person explained their feelings about their deadname and used the analogy of referring to Yugoslavia, in the sense that itβs not accurate not refer to that region as that now, but can be useful when discussing historical events. They then had to add a clarification to their post due to the unseen responses from people who misinterpreted and thought this personβs parents had named them Yugoslavia.
@see_the_sus @Krysdammit A deadname is the name by which a trans Persian was known before they transitioned. To βdeadnameβ someone is to refer to them by that name.
aaaaah. so in other words, "my old/previous name." Interesting use of "dead." Definitely is final.
So it's only used by trans Persians?
@see_the_sus @Nimthiriel @Krysdammit I think that was a bad autocorrect.
Trans people use it to refer to our previous names for a variety of reasons (I posted earlier on this thread about my journey on it, going from "given name" to "deadname").
It's often a painful reminder of the Persona we'd created to protect ourselves prior to coming out, and the term makes it clear the name shouldn't be used as it refers to an entity that no longer exists.
@lenaoflune
TY 4 telling me this. That was such a poorly worded post that I fixated on another part of it. The county's name which no longer exists. Thought that they were complaining about their name which might be in their native language from that country.
We see what irritates us and use that for context. I too have trouble with my name because it is foreign here.π€·ββοΈ
My eldest is trans, never occurred to me that that was what this person was referencing 
@see_the_sus @Nimthiriel
@Krysdammit @lenaoflune @see_the_sus I have a foreign name too. Ultimately started going by a different one because I got fed up with it being mispronounced by anyone reading it.
@Nimthiriel @Krysdammit @see_the_sus There's a reason I put my pronunciation in my profile :)
I've heard len-AH, LAY-nah, and the very common LEE-nah (as in Headey). But I use the Finnish pronunciation of LEN-ah ("as if it had two n's").
I always tell people I don't mind, but it definitely makes me happy when someone goes the extra mile to remember my preference.
@lenaoflune
Would you believe me if I told you that I've always read your name the Finnish way? π
My name is Krystyna; Chris TIN (as in canπ) ah
I cringe when I hear the long drawn out eeeee-nah in the middle. It hurts my ears. Screechy.
@Nimthiriel @see_the_sus
And here I am in my wee little corner getting annoyed when people call me Sue, Susie, or Susanna.
@see_the_sus
Names are very personal things. If we can't stand what we hear when some one calls us by our name, then whatever comes after doesn't really matter.π€·ββοΈ
This is why I'm so respectful of ppl's choice of pronoun.
If THIS can drive me nuts, then how much more hurtful is it to use the wrong pronoun repeatedly, purposefully, if not to inflict pain?
@lenaoflune @Nimthiriel
@Krysdammit @see_the_sus @lenaoflune @Nimthiriel What I don't get about pronouns is you only use them to refer to someone in the third person. If I address you, I use your name not your pronoun. So you can never observe whether I respect (and recall!) your choice. You can observe whether I respect the choices of other people.
Things would be a whole lot easier if the language has no gender for pronouns. It.
@Krysdammit @see_the_sus @lenaoflune @Nimthiriel
"It's unnatural to only refer to someone by their name in a flowing conversation. It's stilted and awkward."
Ah, now I get it, thanks. How dumb of me to forget about group social situations, as though I've been denied such situations the last few years. Those situations are also where forgetting the chosen pronoun would be most embarrassing for both parties.
I still think singular plural is a more important distinction to retain than gender.π₯
@walterbays
I thought that at one time as well. Since then I've learned that a small amount of awkwardness for me, is less of a burden than what they experience just by being.
If I can make someone more comfortable, why wouldn't I?
At first I looked at it like this. If someone is named William, but upon introduction asks to be called Bill, we have to remember that specific person as Bill.
So we have to remember ppl as they and them.
It's not that difficult.
@see_the_sus @lenaoflune @Nimthiriel
@walterbays
Many things are gendered needlessly. π€·ββοΈ
Pronouns are important even so. If I don't watch which I use in reference to certain ppl, then I can slip up in person.
You are right, it's a matter of respect.
Tonight I had my eldest and their husband over for dinner.
He referred to my child by their preferred pronouns during dinner.
It's unnatural to only refer to someone by their name in a flowing conversation. It's stilted and awkward.
@see_the_sus @lenaoflune @Nimthiriel