I went almost 10yrs without that nightmare. Overnight it's back. *sigh*. I know it's ok. I know I live with the wreckage of my experience. But in that moment. It's really hard. Really hard. To want to keep going, when you know that it's just another 10-20-30 whatever years, and you still have to deal with the reminders daily. I'm alright. Talking about it helps. It wasn't my fault, but it is my reality. I have to live with that. Living is my revenge. It's just hard.