*4/4*
but I was at her house tonight while the nurse was there, and she found this bill and asked me about it. I did, what I now call “CYA’d myself,” and notified the rest of the family. Sometimes I can’t help but think that life would be less stressful without a conscience or compassion.
Was there a better way I could have communicated what I was trying to get across or is my SIL being her typical argumentative self and not really providing a solution?
@see_the_sus
They're trying to reassure you it will be paid and theyre alao a bit embarassed it's past due. The good thing is that One of your brothers said he would call & handle it. Somewhat frustrating I know but at least its being worked on. Ive been there it's stressful. Make sure you find a way to work through the stress and do some self-care before bed.
@see_the_sus
I think your questions and concerns are understandable and relevant. In my opinion, it sounds like someone needs to step up and completely take over her finances, which would be more than stopping by Mom's house and seeing what came in the mail. Bills should be mailed directly to this person. They should ideally have access to get checking account so that they can make payments for her. This person needs to be a POA. Insurance companies, lawyers, etc. would need a copy.
I've been through this with my MIL. My husband's family actually came and asked me to take over. My husband had POA.
I'm still going through this with my mother. I am POA. POA is a life saver!
I was living in IN for 9yrs and started noticing changes with her when I would call or the 2xs she visited me. I would talk with my brothers about this but was brushed off. In 2021 I made an appt for her to get officially tested & came in from IN because Brother2 who has POA wasn’t doing anything. Still, even after it was confirmed she had dementia, my brothers still thought I was overreacting. 🤬
Yep! I couldn't get the doctor she was seeing to state that she had dementia. I changed her doctor, then things started to get recognized.
I had help from an Eldercare agency that helped me convince her to move to assisted living. This is all really short version of a lot of work and heartache dealing with this.
@see_the_sus
My pain in the ass brother kept accusing me of things and telling me what to do. He flew out to visit her for two days. After that, he finally understood and for the most part was more understanding.
Yeah, a couple of months after Brother1 got here, he starts telling me how he and his wife are noticing this and that about mom’s behavior and I’m standing there keeping my mouth shut. I wanted to scream, “Oh but I thought I was overreacting? That I was treating mom like she’s invalid?” It’s hard not to feel so disrespected and degraded when I’m being gaslit by them. And I have no one to come home to after being around her, except for my cats. They’re my saviors. ♥️