I know that if such a thing existed it would be easy to look up. Just looking for what has worked for anyone in the past.
Narcissists have a difficulty understanding empathy. Or that's how I understand it. So a sort of VOIGHT KAMPFF test should work I think. Hypothetically. I'm not an expert.
@scottyorange I really don’t think there is a way, sorry.
@AlphaCentauri that's an interesting tactic.
@scottyorange Is "spend more than an hour with them" too slow?
@scottyorange #NOTAPSYCHIATRIST
The more you stay calm and reasonable, the more your narcissist spouse will be frustrated that they can't get you to look bad.
@scottyorange HAHA...if only it were that easy. Here's a simple test...Ask them something about themself and if they go on for 20 minutes without asking anything about you, that's a clue. Healthy relationships involve BALANCE, mutual interest and reciprocity.
@scottyorange Narcissists are bad at relating to other people's emotions, but are very good at figuring out how to get maximum emotional response, and figure out which things other people care about.
@scottyorange This might be a little helpful...the article explains how you might be able to tell the difference between someone who is self-centered vs. a narcissist...
https://herway.net/5-ways-to-tell-if-hes-a-narcissist-or-just-self-centred/
@mightymite @scottyorange
I would be hesitant to put too much emphasis on lack of empathy. A narcissist may go to the ends of the earth to help someone who is in dire need. They like to be saviors. Let that person recover and be in a position to reciprocate as an equal -- rather than as a sycophant -- and the narcissist will try to destroy them.
If meeting a person in a new area, you might casually ask who the really influential people in that community are.
Take your time, please, I'm begging you.
One key trait learned in hindsight is that the narcissist will push boundaries at warp speed, and will do their utmost for a while to wear down their target. Don't fall for it. Learn to spot the red flags - if something seems sketchy, trust your gut instincts and discontinue interactions promptly.
@scottyorange Disagree with them about something in front of other people.
@scottyorange tell them about any kind problem do you have and see how quick they tell you their problems and how are greater and more urgent than yours and how fast they turn the situation to be about them
The reason why I asked is because I need to make new friends where I have moved to and I have discovered through lots of therapy that I tend to let narcissists into my life so I would like to be able to figure out if they are that way really quickly. I guess what I am looking for is like a hypothetical question you could ask them that's veiled as a getting to know you thing but they would answer in such a way that you would know. Like a VOIGHT KAMPFF test for narcissists.