The time for a "dialogue only" subtitle option is now.

[*salacious squelching continues*]

☕ 'mornin, nauts.

Psh, you know what? We got this. Let's go.

be safe • be brave • be kind

My niece got her septum pierced yesterday and when she showed me, I said "Septum?! Damn near killed'm!" and she looked at me like I was speaking Esperanto. smdh

(Also, it goes without saying that wishing for infinity wishes is dirty pool and off the table.)

Do you guys have a well thought-out wish in the chamber just in case you find yourself in a genie, leprechaun, or, heaven forbid, monkey's paw scenario?

I just realized I don't and I'm kinda stressing out about it.

Confession: At some point, I think I decided that I was far too cool of a cat to use bitmoji and for some reason can't help but quietly judge people who do - you know, like a total dick - but there are a few folks I text with infrequently who do use em and I absolutely without hesitation use it as an excuse to bitmoji them right the hell back because it's silly and fun and my 2cool4school bullshit is a pointlessly toxic character defect that I should really sort tf out asap.
Pow. Take that, me.

☕ 'mornin, nauts.

Hope everyone is well today.

I got a whole lot of work to catch up on from my impromptu "vacation", so we're looking at a sweaty two-pot day, coffee-wise.

Be nice to you today. You deserve it.

be safe • be brave • be kind

Not to tempt fate, but on the plus side, things almost certainly can only get better, right?
Sorry to be such a bummer, but I just don’t have the energy to fake it right now and I guess after a couple weeks of seclusion and radio silence, I needed to dump all this somewhere.
I promise this will be the last you’ll hear about any of this and I’ll go back to sporadically quipping about TV and snacks soon.
Thanks for listening. Or reading. Whatever. You get it.

be safe • be brave • be kind
(4/4)

I don't know at what point you're supposed to give up or how you even do that, but I need to figure it out cuz my heart can't take much more of this, tbh. I love that dude so much.

(3/4)

In other news, my cat Wade has been missing for nearly a month despite my best efforts to find him.
He’s an adventure cat whose freedom to roam was an implicit agreement when he chose us as his family 8y ago, and it’s not uncommon for him to be out for a couple days at a time, but with a spike in missing cat posts on the Ring app and getting stared down by a very bold and unafraid coyote in our front yard yesterday morning, I’m beginning to accept that I may never see my boy again.
(2/4)

☕ 'mornin, nauts.
I wish I had some positive energy to bring this morning, but 2023 is off to a bit of a rocky start 'round these parts.
Wife and I rang in the new year with covid. We're fully vaxxed and boosted and mask in public, but it took us down anyway. Laid us out for a full miserable week, but we stayed out of the hospital and we're finally on the upswing.
This new omicron subvariant gives zero fucks about your defenses, so please be careful. I promise you do not want this thing.
(1/4)

Even important than not swimming 30 minutes after eating is not driving two hours after playing MarioKart. #ProTip #CoSoGaming

#SnackFacts yo, if you're a fan of crunchy garlic chili oil (S&B etc), do yourself a serious solid and pick up David Chang's Momofuku Chili Crunch. It's straight up divine. I would eat this stuff by the spoonful if I thought I'd survive.

sorry for using "wonderful" twice. that was wonderfully lazy writing.

☕ 'mornin, nauts.

I hope everyone who celebrates the year-end holidays had a wonderful time.
I've had a rough couple weeks and went full hermitcore, but I convinced myself this morning that, despite not really being ready, I needed to poke my head out of my hole and check for my shadow so...i dunno...this is me doing that.
Have a wonderful day, everyone.

be safe • be brave • be kind

☕ 'mornin, nauts.

How's about we all just stay out of our own goldurned way today.

be safe • be brave • be kind

#J6 Chills. Holy crap.
That being said, everyone stay cool and stay safe out there. Shit is about to get reeeeal hot for a while. Just be cool.

alright, can we all agree on #J6 as the hashtag for the next hour?

I know we're mostly pretending the pandemic is over, but if any #cosowriters are planning on doing a piece about holiday covid surges and you're stuck on a title, consider "Virulent Night". You can have that shit for free, just shoot me a wink during your pulitzer acceptance speech.

☕ 'mornin, nauts.

Just do your best. 🙂

be safe • be brave • be kind