Paranoid germ-o-phobes: OMG Coronavirus is gonna get me. *Buys all the Purel* face mask, I need a face mask, I'll pay anything!!!!"
...
Me: 🚨🚨All units, I got a code brown in the bathtub. I say again, A CODE BROWN. 🚨🚨
Perpetrator is female approximately 5 years old, answers to the name of "princess silly face". Approach with caution and do not engage, suspect may be carrying a bio-weapon.