Dad's power move is fucking phenomenal. Walk into the boardroom in your Fancy Man Sweatsuit like you give no shits. Damn, bro. You cold.

Haven't seen this callow an assortment of sycophants since the first season of the Strain.

All your hopes, boom. All your dreams, boom.

And suddenly Cat's in the Cradle starts playing in the background. Go to therapy, gentlemen, and stop being dicks.

This fuckin' guy looks like a goddamn eraser with ears, fuck.

I cannot imagine treating my kid like this; or raising him to treat other people like this. This is a really fucked up family. They do not *like* each other.

Gotta love dramatical double doors. Gotta.

Ken, everyone's changed their mind before they fucked you. Dad's just the richest.

1, 2, 3, cry Kendall. 1, 2, 3, cryyyyy.

Throwing doors open and bellowing LUNCH! was a tiktok thing three years ago right?

Huh. Obviously Cameron Frye's doing well for himself there. Good for him.

I'm literally coming into this show completely blind. I knew zero things about it other than that it was about a family business. Holy shit worst family business ever.

Creepily awkward or awkwardly creepy : you be the judge!

No but seriously what is going on?

Macauley the Second is really killin' it here.

I am AGHAST. A. FUCKING. GHAST. What fucking monstrosity.

Did Kendall just buy twitter?

Come to the hospital and bring your best signin' pen, 'cause daddy's about to bite the big one. Whoo-hoo we all hate each other!

The human eraser is now fake-crying about his daddy and I don't feel safe.

So this is the Rich People Part of the Hospital that we all knew existed but have never seen in person. Must be fuckin' nice.

Theme parks? Cryogenics? Media empire? Hmmmm.

Assholes all the way down.

**insert gif of Homer walking backward into a hedge **

Greg should just walk the fuck home, this is a horror movie. Don't look in the basement, don't walk down a dark street and for the love of god do not fall asleep. Greg. Get out. Of. There.

Wherever that hospital was, there's no way the cab only cost $14.

Nobody that rich lives only $14 away from a hospital.

Is it a clever subversion that the poor guy is a bumbling idiot and not a wise salt of the earth?

What did I tell you, Gregory? Nothing good can come of doing favors for these maniacs.

I think Lawrence is my favorite character only because he's not part of this horrible family.

Here's the thing : these kids will always have unlimited money. And they want power to have . . . more money? I do not understand why they're fighting is what I'm saying.

A company run by a magical fucking unicorn? Count me the fuck in.

Wait, you *don't* get a blowjob when your dog dies?

Tom and Shiv abort. Again.

Christ, what an asshole.

Culkin II has cultivated a Shkreli-tier punchable face.

Oh, the find out stage. Favorite of every rich mediocrity.

Exhaust PORT, dolt!

Good news for Ken, he can always get into politics if he flames out in business.