Okay, season 3 of His Dark Materials here we go! Let's get ready to fuck shit up, Lyra! Your parents wicked suck and you have a prophecy to fulfill. DO THE THING.
I hope they come across the girls from Yellowjackets in these woods.
Waaaaalt aging in effect between seasons.
Lord Asriel really missed out on the opportunity to name is daemon Gargamel. For fuck's sake, man.
Why in the hell does Mrs. Coulter know *AMERICAN* sign language? This is unsanitary.
What kind of map do you need when you have the subtle knife? I just want to know how this works, William.
I wanna see what this *physical atonement* might be, Father Gomez. Twerk for the Authority, monsignor.
It's hard to watch this show and not yell angry spoilers at my television. I don't want to wake the goldendoodles, you see.
This episode needs more panserbjørne.
Professor Asriel's Bedside Manner is on point as ever.
Professor Asriel's Bedside Manner and Revue is my favorite burlesque show.
Hey, that island has porgs!
WHERE ARE THE GIRAFFE-HORSE-THING-WHEELY-CREATURES? I NEED SOME SEED POD ACTION.
I get irrationally uncomfortable when I don't see Will close the knife cuts. I don't care if they're happening off-camera, I need visuals.
SUBTLE, Scorsese.
And this year's mother of the year award, for the 14th straight year : Mrs. Fuckin' Coulter.
Why aren't you using your WORDS, William? All you have to say, William, is "Hey, Iorek? I'm Lyra's bud." and he'll trust you without question.
The one thing that fantastical novels have taught me is that the best spy ever is a robotic insect. Literal bugs, y'see? OH HOW CLEVER. Ugh.
Episode 2, some guys who can travel anywhere instantly, still riding a boat.
Meanwhile, girl's spending half an everdeen in bed.
"Hey, I'm an angel and I can fuckin' fly. Here's my bus pass."
I'm gonna die mad that they pronounce daemon as deeee-mon instead of day-mon, which is how I read it in my mind and therefore it should be canon.
Oh, I see what your problem is, Asriel. You've got angels in your outfield.
Oh, now let's-kill-god man needs to ask questions?
Okay, in His Dark Materials World, peoples jobs and daemons often match up (butlers are labrador retrievers, etc). So like, when your daemon settles into a fucking snow goose do you just get to fist-pump "FUCK YEAH I'M A WITCH!"
He does what he must because he can.
"My favorite way to talk to angels is through an Etch-a-Sketch"
- Lord Asriel (probably)
This is honestly the most fucked up custody schedule I've ever seen. They're *terrible* co-parents.
And now that it's getting late, we'll try plan A.
Where did those airships full of magisterium goons disappear to when Asriel pops in? Find out next week!
New Year resolution: Watch fewer shows with a Gomez.