There is such a huge difference between intellectually understanding the things that have happened to you weren't your fault and you didn't deserve them, and emotionally understanding them. Having to feel the hurt, the betrayal, all the feelings of grief and the stages you go through. Trying to be stoic/not feel those things to get through the next challenges and power through only works for so long but it keeps you so disconnected from the things that help, from connection and creativity.