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"My makeup artist came up to me with tears in their eyes and said, 'Sir, it wouldn't be right covering up your natural beauty with this ugly bronzer'. I said, 'I know, but I need to make myself less attractive, otherwise the women will all swoon at my feet'. They said they understood, and that they can't wait for me to return to office so I can fix the economy, plug the border, and have the world respect us again like it was when I was last in office before it was stolen from me."