Today in Things Librarians Do That Are the Opposite of Things People Think Librarians Do: I shredded library cards.

I did so because library records are searchable under the PATRIOT Act. But if I don't have them, I can't turn them over.

Sure, these were 25+ years old. But if I don't defend your right to have checked out "Sea Monsters of the World" in 1998, what use am I?
Anyway, now no one can confirm you renewed the herpes book three times in high school, you're welcome.