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Some pretty good tweets of yore:
@cluedont
I am a sticker for accuracy.
@Eden_Eats
According to my financial plan, I'll be able to retire when I'm 65 as long as I die the next day.
@daviddeweil
Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your CVS receipt.
@tropicalenvy
The only time I put my phone down is when it rings
@elizmccracken
I don't understand why children's movies feature grown-up romantic love as a life goal. It's like a cartoon about career satisfaction.