Some pretty good tweets of yore:

@Merrillmarkoe
Pygmy Mole Crickets live in fresh water in Florida. In a better world, they'd be a band on a world wide tour and I would play bass.

@murrman5
*shipwrecked diary*
Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab
Day 2: I have married the crab.
Day 3: I have eaten my wife.

@vladchoc
Be careful out there, guys. Snakes sound a LOT like sizzling fajitas.

@JohnFugelsang
Anti Depressants should be called 'Mirth Control.'

#twitter #funny