Some pretty good tweets of yore:

@bazecraze
This coffee is so strong it just raised 5 children on a nurse's salary.

@yoyoha
Coffee is like marriage. First it's really hot. Then it's just right. Then it helps you get off your ass and do things.

@frumpalicious1
My grandma will be 100 in a couple of weeks and goes to Curves regularly. I've been watching the same channel for the past 2+ hours because I can't reach the remote.
#twitter #funny