So in my adult life I have asked two men out. I thought they were interested in me and I took that HUGE risk and asked them out. Both times I was told NO! So I am sooo hesitant to ask any more out just because, I for sure, thought they had interest in me and for them to say no bruised my ego to no end. So for many years I refused to take that leap again (I give you guys credit cuz it sucks to hear no)
I see this guy on my bus and I am not sure if I should ask him out. I am just not sure if he’s married. He’s a construction worker and cute and I see him stare at me and I try to smile but I get so shy I am just not sure if I should take another risk and make the leap as I don’t know if I can deal with another rejection lol. I mean my ego is not so bruised but not sure how I’ll react if he tells me anything other than yes lol.
@Patti1120 This is probably too late - but I'd say definitely go for it.
Your odds of getting a positive response are pretty good if my experience is any indication.
An important thing to remember is that you miss 100% of chances you don't take - and in actuality the practical outcome of a rejection/fail is no different than if you didn't try at all.
From an objective point of view, as long as the outcome is [yes,no,fail] rather than a rare edge case, asking isn't actually a risk at all.
@IrelandTorin thank you for this. It’s nerve racking but I have to put my big girl pants on and take that leap.
@Patti1120 In the context of an industrialized/civilized modern society, rather than the small hunter-gatherer tribes we evolved to live in, those social fears are no longer adaptive;
The risks of negative social perception are typically much lower now, as long as what you're doing's legal & not *way* outside the range of normal behaviour.
In other words, we're afraid of many social things because they were risky for tribal hunter-gatherers, even though they're often not really risky for us.
@Patti1120 You're very welcome!
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that the fears most of us have around social interaction are way stronger than they should be, & the best response is usually to power straight through them.
In our evolutionary history, the fears often helped - being perceived badly by others tended to annihilate one's chances of reproducing (a selective pressure to avoid negative perception) & introduced a risk of often-fatal ostracism (more selective pressure) - but...