I get that in-laws are a trigger for many-a #marriage. Mine is one of them. My daughter and I are returning home from visiting my parents tomorrow and I'm already feeling the anxiety of her not wanting to leave and being, rightfully, sad and emotional and the subsequent and inevitable crap my husband feels about that. I cannot figure out why he doesn't like my family. I don't want to fight but he behaves so coldly around and about them. Fuck. Is it this hard for anyone else?
@MotherDucker
No, not for everyone. My mother has great relationship with my husband (and with my ex she also did). And I have horrible relationship with my MIL (to be fair, she has horrible relationship with my husband/his son too). With my ex-MIL we had mutually neutral.
So, I'd put my money on a concrete thing that he didn't yet speak about by some reason.
@rakshy we're in different states. It's not like my parents drop in unexpectedly. We see them a handful of times throughout the year, and any more than that it's just my daughter and me. The last time my mother came to our house, he shut himself in his office and stayed there for 2 days. Barely even coming out to eat or use the toilet. It was so humiliating. He doesn't even bother to pretend for my sake. When there is no mention of extended family, we're good. Almost normal. Apart from anxiety.
@MotherDucker
it looks too me like you need to have a honest talk with him. including talking about how that all makes YOU feel.
please, consider a mediator (priest, counselor, whatever will work best for you two)
@MotherDucker @rakshy
Sounds like it's less a problem that he doesn't like your Mom than that he is stonewalling when you want to find out the reason.
https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling