One quick note before I pop into my v-chat, then dive into writing for the day.
I don't mind folks using whatever pronouns they do for me, in part because the multilingual dimension is tricky, and in part because of folks like this friend.
He uses my preferred pronouns. He also loves to bring up "gender critical" pundits credulously, in a you-gotta-admit-that-both-sides-be-crazy sort of way. The two can coexist, because it's easy to tolerate "quirks" without meaningfully changing worldview. /x
This isn't true for all genderqueer folk, so don't take my preference as an excuse to stop honouring others' stated pronouns, but I personally do not give a hoot if someone uses she/her for me, so long as they show care for me as a person, and care for other people suffering in our terribly cruel world, too.
Yes, hearing my pronouns makes me feel affirmed, but... not all the time. Not when used by people who defend people spreading hate. 🙃
For this reason, my site of activism is different. 👍
You *radiate* respect! 🤗
In Spanish, possessive pronouns aren't gendered, and you often don't need to include the subject before the verb, so even though descriptors are gendered, there are plenty of spaces where one can be ungendered in the language. And in Mandarin gender doesn't show up in speech so much as in text. The wide range of cultural differences in gendered speech changes my approach to the whole issue.
Speaking of - how did your list of kitchen terms go?! 👀
@MLClark Oh my gosh, they haven't gone. Yesterday I had a houseful of people and was wholly absorbed in keeping everyone happy including myself. That took about all my brainpower and emotional energy, but it went very well, and I truly do have blessings to count, I just need to get it through my weird brain that I do.
So unfortunately, I took a little break from working on my Spanish. I intend to continue, though!
@MLClark But I think I may treat myself to a nice little writing/drawing notebook specifically for Spanish. 🤔 I enjoy handwriting and drawing things, given the time, and I can do kitchen palabras in that, maybe.
Oh, I didn't expect you to finish it all in one go! That's why I suggested "this week", as opposed to just one day.
I'm so glad you had a wonderful holiday!
Whenever you have the chance, write that list with all 15 or so words together, then manually (by hand!) separate them by fem/masc ending, and keep the lists handy to practice casually using them in sentences when you're in the kitchen over the next few days. :)
It will help naturalize your brain to the endings.
Paso a paso!
@MLClark I keep kicking around an idea (that, given the reactions to it that I've encountered, will probably continue to go nowhere). Since third-person singulars are the only pronouns we use that are gendered, why not ditch that entirely. Summarily choose one of the two sets of pronouns (coin toss, to be even-handed), and have everyone use that choice going forward. It's simple and universal (in English anyway) - if perhaps DOA.😉
Just like in Spanish, where all possessive pronouns are neutral, and you don't even need to use a subject ahead of a verb most of the time. :)
This is part of the reason I don't prioritize this site of activism for myself, as a global humanist - because it can easily become Anglo-centric. A lot of Anglo-Westerners have been pushing for other languages to change without considering that other languages have their own workarounds. We can learn a lot from the rest of the world!
@MLClark oops, I never noticed your preferred pronouns before now! 😬 I call people what they want to be called, and with respect. 💜