My hands are so full of wood glue and finish that the fingerprint reader on the laptop won't recognize me.
Good thing I enrolled the prosthetic finger I keep on a shelf as a backup.
Multi-factor Authentication achievement==Unlocked!
(Tagged as #ITSecurity #humor in case anyone thinks I'm recommending this or believe it qualifies as multi-factor. Feel free to believe I actually did it though.)
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Speaking of which, I'm still waiting for a prosthetic finger with a pencil lead inside so I can freak people out by using the electric sharpener in the copier room to sharpen it. If they are gonna make me go into the office they have it coming.