Oh, son of a fucking BITCH.

https://www.semafor.com/article/07/01/2024/us-court-expands-presidential-powers

Jesus fucking Christ on a popsicle stick crucifix.

https://www.yourtango.com/family/dad-takes-away-daughters-ibuprofen-because-menstrual-cramps-natural

Trying to find an honest politician is like trying to find a fart in a jacuzzi.

Where my weirdies at?

♀️ = ✊

My wife and I have been polyamorous and ENM for almost 3 years now and we absolutely love it.

https://www.instagram.com/p/C8w-oqQtTBL/

If an all-loving and all-seeing god existed, why would you need to plead with him to help people?

I watched the debate for over an hour, then had to finally shut it off. Biden sounds like he's got a cold, or maybe laryngitis, and the tangerine gibbon with the red tie is a bloviating, narcissistic, delusional walking brain clot who sounds like he's talking out of his ass. I'll catch up on the summaries later.

Yep.

Jesus must be pretty pent up.

It's been over 2,000 years and he STILL hasn't cum. #atheism #atheist

When I was a younger man, my grandfather asked me if I wanted to go hunting with him. I said, "sure, I'm game."

So he shot me.

A coworker asked me if I ever drink alcohol. I said I don't, because, in the words of Paul Simon, I know 50 Ways to Love My Liver.

Me: You're not omnipotent, you know.

Friend: I know I'm not. In fact, I can get an erection right now if I wanted to.

Me: That's impotent, you walking brain clot.

Got some free pins at Denver Pride today 😁

The Capitol building in Denver, Colorado this morning, just before the 50th annual pride parade and festival. 🏳️‍🌈

I'm going to create a children's workshop where they can bring their stuffed toys and completely cover them in gold leaf. I'll call it Gild-A-Bear.

A quarter won't impress me. Pull a fifty out of my ear or get the hell out of here.

Pac-man is Kirby's ancestor.

PRIEST: I'm here to remove the demon that has possessed you.

ME: I didn't call you.

DEMON: I did.

Me: Better check your peripherals while driving.
Friend: What do seasonal flowers have to do with driving?
Me: That's perennials, you idiot.