2: Everyone should wear a different deodorant under
each arm.
That's my two scents.

1: Wind chimes are made from
the metallic bones of robots
that tried to overthrow us.
Hang them outside your house
as a warning to others.

4: I fixed my brass instrument with a tuba glue.

3: Handel was both wealthy and baroque.

Today, for the first time since March 2nd, I was able to shower while standing. I did not need the shower chair.

How to Avoid Mixing Your Metaphors (Cont)

Don't worry about opening up
a whole hill of beans:
you can burn that bridge when you come to it,
if you follow where I'm coming from.

Concentrate! Keep your door closed
and your enemies closer.
Finally, don't take the moral high horse:
if the metaphor fits, walk a mile in it.

Brian Bilston

How to Avoid Mixing Your Metaphors:

It's not rocket surgery.
First, get all your ducks on the same page.
After all, you can't make an omelette
without breaking stride.

Be sure to watch what you write
with a fine-tuned comb.
Check and re-check until the cows turn blue.
It's as easy as falling off a piece of cake.

(Cont)

2: Me: Where can I find some bricks, tiles, cement, and grout.

Clerk: They’re under Construction in aisle 27.

Me: Do you know when they’ll be finished?

1: A shark can out swim me, but I can outrun a shark.

So in a triathlon, it’d come down to who’s better on a bicycle.

4: Feefiphobia:

The fear of giants.

3: I ordered two large fries.

They gave me a heap of small ones!

How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two - one to change the lightbulb and the other to hold the penis. LADDER. I meant ladder.

First day of the new job at Boeing went really well! My coworkers all seem super nice. Didn’t get near an aeroplane yet but the mandatory training video taught me how to silently strangle a whistleblower. My manager said we can wear jeans on casual Fridays

2: Saw a carpenter arguing with the cook.
They were going at it hammer and tongs.

1: I was asked to put relish on the shopping list.
Now I can't read it.

4: Surgeon: Relax David, this is a small surgery. No need to panic.

Patient: My name is not David.

Surgeon: No, my name is David.

3: Rick Astley is happy to lend you any movie from his collection.

Except that one Pixar animation.

2: If I'm being subjective, l'd say my favourite band is The Who.

If I was being objective, l'd say it was The Whom.

1: Doctor: Do you smoke or drink alcohol?

Me: I drink it.

4: Jumped on the tube earlier today.
Toothpaste went everywhere!

3: I try to make fancy, posh breads, but they always come out the same.
I'm stuck with the status dough.

2: The Institute of Incomplete Studies have announced that 7 out of 10 people...

1: BREAKING NEWS! A man has created reverse origami.
More on this story as it unfolds.

4: Any recommendations on music to listen to while fishing Preferably something catchy...

3: I've just bought a copy of Kleptomaniacs Weekly.
Well, I say bought...

2: Q: If Mr. Spock has pointed ears, what does Mr. Scott have?

A: Engineers.

1: I was so unpopular in high school that they used to call me "Batteries."
I was never included in anything.

4: There's no need to hold grudges. begin your revenge plans immediately.

3: I take anti-rejection meds because I just want people to like me.

The sheep spend their whole lives fearing the wolf, only to be eaten by the shepherd.
Once you understand this statement the game changes and you start to understand politics.

The older I get, the more I have in common with computers.
We both start out with lots of memory and drive, then we become outdated, crash unexpectedly, and eventually have to have our parts replaced!

Almost 9 pm now, I arrived home from the rehab hospital at around 11:30 am. Nor feeling a lot of pain because I've taken a Tapentadol tablet which starts working around 15 minutes after being taken and the effect lasts between 4 and 6 hours. it's similar in pain control ability to oxycodone but with fewer and less severe side effects.