Happy retirement.

Things are looking up, so to speak. Nine years after cataract surgery I needed Posterior Capsulotomy laser treatment today to clear up subsequent cloudiness in one eye. This cloudiness developed suddenly some 6 weeks ago. This URL explains the process: https://www.mtwaverleyeye.com.au/posterior-capsulotomy

Reading an alternative reality novel I came upon a reference to communications via a device called a Photophone.
This was real, it converted voice into a beam of light.
Alexander Graham Bell and his assistant Sumner Tainter invented it in 1880. Bell claimed it was his greatest invention.
I can't add the relevant Wikipedia URL, so here's a shortened version using an app called Shorten URLs.
https://shrtm.nu/pZW

2: I guess we should retire the expression "avoid it like the
plague" given how little effort people put in to avoiding an actual plague.

1: I recently launched a series of books targeted at young adults.

Six of them are in hospital now, with three in intensive care.

4: Explorer and inventor of the electric oven.
Sir Ramic Hobbs.

3: My electric toothbrush ran out of charge this morning ...
..so l had to use my acoustic one.

If you catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, your pants will probably catch on fire.

2: Instead of using normal tap water for ice cubes, use boiled water instead! It's much clearer, it does makes the drink significantly hotter though...

1: Diana Ross tried to jump the queue in the supermarket.

I said, "Hey! You can't hurry, love. You'll just have to wait."

4: People who use the wrong word should have the
humidity to admit it.

3: I am going to the roofing convention this weekend.
All the shingle ladies will be there.

2: In ancient Rome there were four kinds of poisons.
Poisons I, Il, and Ill would kill you instantly..
But Poison IV would just make you itchy.

1: In the US, it's called an elevator. In Australia, it's a lift...
I guess we're just all raised differently..

(I quietly giggle whenever I enter a Schindler lift)

4: When's the worst time to have a heart attack?
During a game of charades.

3: Do you know what's really odd?
Numbers that aren't divisible by two.

#CoSoMusic
Ian Fontova's Celtic Country version of Marty Robbins' Big Iron: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCkpiesQRIo

To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it.
To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it!

Damn! Threading a needle at my age is no joke!

2: Those that forget the pasta, doomed to reheat it.

1: The next time you have company, serve them a bowl of shelled peanuts.

After they've eaten a few handfuls, casually mention
that you've never liked peanuts, but you love to suck the chocolate off of them.

4: Stop blaming yourself or others. Learn Feng Shui and blame the furniture.

3: CoSo: "We have no ads."
Xitter: "Neither do we!"
#ElonMusk

#EnglishIsHard
There was an old lady from Slough
Who once had a terrible cough
She sounded quite rough
But battled on through
I think she is better now, though.

Rage Against the Machine never specified what type of machine they were furious with but I reckon it was probably a printer.

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example:

Jane ate her friend's sandwich.

Jane ate her friend's colon.

2: You press olives to get olive oil, you press corn to get corn oil, and you press babies to get baby oil; it's just continuity...

1: Any wedding can be a fairytale wedding if you rent a wolf and feed it all the grandmothers and children.

4: I like to read naked, so libraries aren't fond of me.

3: I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost...
I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.

2: Not all construction work is equally enjoyable...
For example, enlarging a drilled hole is boring, but fastening pieces of metal together is riveting.

1: When I spend time slicing off wood shavings, it always ends up kinda plane. To keep sanding even when I fail, I'm gonna need more grit. And I've tried to saw tight curves... but it's hard to cope.