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Fun Fact!

Did you know that statistically six out of seven dwarves aren’t happy.

And 6 of 7 aren't Grumpy, either.

BREAKING NEWS!

‘Flat Fish of the Year’ results for 2020 are as follows:

1st Plaice
2nd Plaice
3rd Plaice

To those people who run or skip playfully to the betting shop;

Please gambol responsibly.

The book on chronology I ordered has finally arrived.

It’s about time...

I don’t believe in reincarnation.

I don’t think it’s possible to come back as a tin of milk.

I'm sure I saw the Hunchback of Notre Dame yesterday...

If it wasn't him, it was a dead ringer...

I tried to get into a trendy nightclub last night.
The doorman said to me,
“Sorry mate, you've had too many”.
I replied, "What, drinks?"
He said, "No, birthdays!”

I really didn’t like getting lost on a campsite in the dark.

I was feeling tents...

The President of our Mime Club has sadly passed away.

At our next meeting we are going to have a minutes noise to honour him...

During his time in the army, Bob Marley always polished his boots quietly with no one else about...

He was a buff alone soldier.

Dirty rainclouds dumped muddy rain on my car overnight. Car washes are closed under stage 4. Just shampooed the car. Diluted hair shampoo in water, added to household spray bottle & covered the dirty surface with a soapy mist, allowed to dry. (Not long in this wind) Then used a medium water jet from the garden hose to spread the suds over the surface & loosen the dirt. Finished off with a wide-angle spray to remove the suds/dirt.
Quite an effective process.

Many English surnames are derived from trades, for example a cooper made barrels, a fletcher made arrows, and a webster made websites.

He's not had strokes. He's been hit in the head multiple times by cans of soup.

I wanted an optometrist from the Alaskan islands, but I got an optical Aleutian.

He had a photographic memory, but was never developed.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

The best way to communicate with the fishes is to drop them a line.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

She was only a whiskey-maker's daughter,
but he loved her still.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but he broke it off!

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

In democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.

Dijon vu:
I've had this mustard before.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

A gossip is someone with
a great sense of rumour.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Rubber bands were confiscated from algebra
class as weapons of math disruption.

The invisible man married the invisible woman, but their kids were nothing to look at either.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Energizer Bunny arrested:
charged with battery.

A good pun is its own reword.

For breakfast, a boiled egg is
hard to beat.

A chicken crossing the road is
poultry in motion.

Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana. -Groucho Marx

If you dream in colour, it's a
pigment of your imagination.

A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative.

Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.

Shotgun wedding:
A case of wife or death.

When two egotists meet,
it's an I for an I.

Santa's helpers are subordinate Clauses.

A skunk fell in the river and
stank to the bottom.

Acupuncture is jab well done.
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"

“Whatever means necessary,” she replied.

“No it doesn’t,” I said.

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TerrorAustralis‽🇦🇺

CounterSocial is the first Social Network Platform to take a zero-tolerance stance to hostile nations, bot accounts and trolls who are weaponizing OUR social media platforms and freedoms to engage in influence operations against us. And we're here to counter it.