4: What’s golden brown, yellow, and covered in fuzz?

My buttered toast I just dropped.

3: Getting vaccinated is a jab well done.

2: They say 'don't try this at home' so I'm coming over to your house to try it.

1: Geology rocks, but Geography is where it's at!

4: Caught my son chewing on electrical wires.
So, I grounded him. He's doing much better currently and conducting himself properly.

3: Got home from work today to find my kids have been on ebay all day.
If they are still there tomorrow I will lower the price.

So much negativity online, so I figured I'd share a positive post...

Don't judge me based on my #CoSo posts. I'm worse in real life, because there's no community guidelines stopping me.

You either understand history or trust the Government.

You can't do both.

And now for something completely different!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8LsBxJSYGY&list=WL&index=3

Scotland the Brave/India the Bold (Bagpipes) Official Music Video by TheSnakeCharmerBagpiper.

They're odd looking pipes, in fact it's an electronic instrument called Redpipes, capable of emulating many different types and styles of real bagpipes.

Four months. Four fucking months since I went into hospital with septic arthritis in my left knee. It’s still an awful long time until I recover from it. It’s so bloody frustrating but whenever a physiotherapist or other health practitioner sees me they are really impressed with my progress. But dealing with the pain and frustration on a day-to-day basis, I just can’t see it that way.

2: The fact that Microsoft Teams contains a feature called "Teams" where actual teams can create a Team, and at Microsoft the teams working on that feature probably have a Team to discuss the Teams feature, suggests that there exists a Microsoft Microsoft Teams Teams Teams' Microsoft Teams Team.

1: What is the difference between a negative consequence, an email on drums, and a deadly pillow?

One is a repercussion, the second is re: percussion, and the last is a reaper cushion.

4: Taxidermy is a dead art.

3: Someone just called my phone, sneezed, and then just hung up.
I am getting sick and tired of all these cold calls.

Sometime last night I had an Amazon package stolen from my doorstep. The delivery driver was supposed to deliver it by 8pm, or the next day. Nope, arsewipe delivered it at 8:45 pm and sent an email with a photo showing it on my doorstep.
I opened the email this morning and went out to collect the item. Nothing there.
It wasn't an expensive item, but it's still annoying. I have bought it again plus another product. Delivery is expected tomorrow, to an Amazon locker a couple of km away.

2: Tony Stark often wears a tuxedo, but it's not his strong suit.

1: Patient: Can you cure the measles?

Doctor: I don't make rash promises.

4: Jokes on social media remind me of CB radio.

Copy that.

3: I get my love of music from my father, who was a conductor.

He always listened to the radio on his bus.

If the person who named walkie talkies named everything:

Stamps - Lickie Stickie.
Defibrillators - Hearty Starty.
Bumble Bees - Fuzzy Buzzy.
Pregnancy Test - Maybe Baby.
Bra - Breastie Nestie.
Fork - Stabby Grabby.
Socks - Feetie Heatie.
Hippo - Floatie Bloatie.

@barrett Which assailants would those be?

I was in court today, charged with careless driving when I struck (at low speed) my neighbour and his young daughter while reversing in our shared driveway. My otherwise impeccable driving record, obvious remorse, refusal to dispute the charges and good standing in the community as evidenced by character reference letters meant no conviction was recorded, I have to donate to a particular charity and behave myself on the roads for at least the next six months. That was the best possible outcome.

If you identify a UFO as a UFO, then it becomes an FO. Unless it has landed, then it's simply an O.

Stop complaining…

I understand being a responsible adult...but every day...every single day...that seems a little excessive…

Yes, English can be weird.
It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.