Chuck Norris admitted to
using stunt doubles in his movies, but only for the crying parts.

@janallmac I used to have a multi-level food dehydrator. One of my favourite uses was canned pineapple rings which never really dry out but go to a chewy consistency with intense flavour.
There a hole in a pineapple ring, just the right size to take a strawberry.

Until a couple of months ago, I had a pair of white 1st gen Apple HomePods as a stereo pair with my Apple TV. Then one failed, stopped working completely. When I came back home from hospital, I had to use just a single HomePod, not an ideal home theater setup. Two days ago i bought a pair of Apple refurbished Midnight 2nd gen HomePods and they arrived yesterday.
The sound is great again, esp when I access my Apple Music on the Apple TV.

Birds of a feather flock together, except for seagulls.

They run. They run so far away.

@JanetZumba_FalPals Pun for "pair of knees."

2: DONOR Cards are a rip off!!! You can’t get a discount on a kebab anywhere with one.

1: Cannot believe my joke about the Apple iMac was deleted.
Seems it’s not PC...

4: Dyslexia is what happens when you allow people suffering from the disorder to name it themselves.

3: Strike a chord with everyone you meet by always carrying a guitar with you.

@Idissent Here's a link to some of Quayles misquotations: https://www.bauer.uh.edu/rsusmel/Other/Quayle.htm

I had a thought, but unfortunately I had a second thought. They
ricocheted off each other and I can't find either anymore.

2: I'm retired.
I was tired yesterday and I am tired again today.

1: I was considering a mountain climbing trip in France, but I don't have a great Pyrenees anymore.

4: A comb can be a great parting gift.

3: The harpsichord.

The affordable piano alternative for the baroque musician.

2: What l if told you
You the read first line wrong?
Same the with second line
And also the third...

1: When I was a kid my family's menu consisted of two choices:

Take it or leave it.

4: Wifi is actually the plural form. The singular is wifus.

3: Spaces between ladder rungs have increased because
Americans are getting taller.

Manufacturers claim it's due to
climb it change.

2: Everyone should wear a different deodorant under
each arm.
That's my two scents.

1: Wind chimes are made from
the metallic bones of robots
that tried to overthrow us.
Hang them outside your house
as a warning to others.

4: I fixed my brass instrument with a tuba glue.

3: Handel was both wealthy and baroque.

Today, for the first time since March 2nd, I was able to shower while standing. I did not need the shower chair.

How to Avoid Mixing Your Metaphors (Cont)

Don't worry about opening up
a whole hill of beans:
you can burn that bridge when you come to it,
if you follow where I'm coming from.

Concentrate! Keep your door closed
and your enemies closer.
Finally, don't take the moral high horse:
if the metaphor fits, walk a mile in it.

Brian Bilston

How to Avoid Mixing Your Metaphors:

It's not rocket surgery.
First, get all your ducks on the same page.
After all, you can't make an omelette
without breaking stride.

Be sure to watch what you write
with a fine-tuned comb.
Check and re-check until the cows turn blue.
It's as easy as falling off a piece of cake.

(Cont)

2: Me: Where can I find some bricks, tiles, cement, and grout.

Clerk: They’re under Construction in aisle 27.

Me: Do you know when they’ll be finished?

1: A shark can out swim me, but I can outrun a shark.

So in a triathlon, it’d come down to who’s better on a bicycle.

4: Feefiphobia:

The fear of giants.

3: I ordered two large fries.

They gave me a heap of small ones!