When the gas prices hit an all time high and your income hasn't changed in the last 10 years...

#cosomemes

Finally some movement with full independence. We get our latest 3 releases 'back' so we can re-release them with our distro and in the next few weeks will have them out alongside our new release and finally PHDM will be full independent. On top of that, the store is now working, setup and will be adding some new stickers, patches (iron/sew on) and the first set of pins when they arrive. Feels like finally making progress again phdm.co.nz is all updated now incl the new shop ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

#cosomemes

Just found out a friend took her life on friday. She was only 23. A writer and artist who struggled with depression and ptsd. She was the most bubble passionate nerd when she was around comfortable people and the world is darker without her in it. 😢

https://phdm.co.nz/shop/ So the shop is now up and built. Its not 'officially' launched but it does work now (as far as we can tell). Feel quite proud of the whole site tbh. Full independent artist buzz ftw ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ #cosomusic #cosoart #cosowriting

I love when narcissistic sociopaths accuse you of doing the things they themselves have been doing. What a horrible, paranoid, crazy way to live life. I'll be glad to be free of his bs soon.

That horrible gut churning "you need to get away from this fkn psychopath" feeling you get when you have to talk with the guy still trying to gaslight you as he drags things out as long as he humanly can. Fucking Nexgenmusic and its head psychopath Daniel Clarke.

Oof, feelings are back. The overwhelm and numb has stopped so it's a bunch of different emotions hitting at the same time. Hectic and hard but being able to feel present in the body and feel music again is a huge relief.

Leto has decided he is us now. When I'm watching movies he jumps in our studio chair, pushes himself around and meows the same melodic 'hello kitties' that we often say when working and hearing them run around 😂 kittens maaan

https://soundcloud.com/lilyunsub/neon-tapehead-im-not-lost-n0isemaker-free-download something you all might like ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ #cosomusic

Its not 'only' a trauma response but the intense rejection and pain certainly fuels a lot of the isolationist aspects of it. I know its probably the same everywhere for any artist but its been decades of this for us and a lot of the rejection has, at times, been extremely violent and hate filled from us being LBGT.

Doing everything else we have, the hyper independence, shutting out anything that isn't phdm is essentially this giant trauma response to intense rejection that we can't do anything about. The feeling of completely powerlessness within it is just like repeating years and years of the same rejection, trauma, pain. I've been trying to rediscover the joy we had for music and life but it also means we've remembered the reason that we lost it in the first place.

2/X

oof, realising that you've shut off all the love/joy from music because of the overhanging feeling of being 'not good enough' and intense rejection from not being able to play out. So much of the pure joy we had with playing and making music has been missing the last year and a half because it amplifies the feeling of rejection and pain from being completely cut out of the nz music scene.

1/X

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUgcYVrJzDA ❤️ #cosomusic