@Lingitta
You know, this could be totally made up for the sake of lolz

Someone is flying the flag of #Ukraine in downtown Sevastopol in Crimea

Me, flirting: Are you a biblically accurate angel come to earth or am I seeing things blinded by your beauty?

Her:

Air raid alarms are sounded across #Ukraine as multiple jets take off from airfields in fascist #Russia

Small business owner:

- creates fund to personally support each coffee picker in Kenya;
- matches every donation made by customers;
- opens new stores that increases the amount of donations exponentially;
- becomes a chain business with a franchise expansion dynamic, increasing amount donated still thanks to expansion;
- racks in a couple hundred million in revenues as a result of years of work.

Tankies: Greedy fucking capitalist exploitation 🤬

“I can’t end my messages with “Love, Shaq” because B-52s ruined that for me.”

— Shaquille O’Neal

There are three things you can look at for an infinite amount of time:

- fire burning
- water flowing
- your iPhone asking you to buy more iCloud space

For anyone doubting the Horseshoe Theory (which posits that the far left and the far right aren’t placed on opposite ends of a flat line graph but are actually running towards each other along a crescent shaped curve until they practically touch when it forms an almost complete circle), consider this:

German commies and German neonazis joined forces to conduct a series of parades across German towns calling on #Ukraine to surrender and accusing it of “prolonging the war”.

💁‍♂️

@Shilohx
I just let the Today’s Mix play out on SoundCloud not even noticing who’s playing. It rarely gets bad

Apparently, taking your friend’s wife to Poundtown is no biggie in England

Lazy is such an ugly word.

I prefer selective participation

@FinnegansWhacked
I seriously doubt that Xi is running errands for Putin

@thedisasterautist
Anita Be Eatin 😂😂😂
I didn’t notice that before

Stand down red alert, #Russia has PREVENTED #Ukraine’s attack on Transnistria in #Moldova 😁

Telegram channels in Russia are now reporting on a “behind the scenes ultimatum” imposed by #Putin on #Zelenskyy in which Odessa grain ports would be targeted.

That’s what I used to tell in school when my sinister plans went awry — that I’d prevented something bad from happening! Turn failure into victory! 😁

That awkward moment when you sneeze and then say “Thank you”, and your partner goes “I didn’t say anything”

🤣

World: rejects Putin’s claim on Ukraine.
Putin: Well then I’m pulling out of anti-nuke agreements.
Twitter tankies and Republicans: Look what you made him do!

Sometimes I will catch up with another fellow driver who’d just done something stupid or aggressive towards other drivers, and look them in the eyes and give them two thumbs up while maintaining a disgusted facial expression to make them feel like the dumbass Bozo they are

@kel
I feel like people go on Twitter to dump their negativity on strangers because they’re too pussy to deal with their real life enemies.
No other explanation for acting so aggressively that I can think of.