Let's have some real talk. And I'm n not hashtagging this.
I've told this story once before, but it bears repeating in light of the past couple of days on here.
As I've said before, I'm a white Cuban male. We Latins come in all colors. When my beloved wife first met me, she had no idea I wasn't just another white guy. Now, of course, other Latins take one look at me and KNOW I'm one of them. But the point is I easily pass for garden-variety white boy.
1/?
And, let's be frank: I've benefited from this. I *always* wear my Latinidad proudly. But I don't get pulled over by cops for "driving while brown". I know I have privilege.
But once someone knows my background, well, sometimes the shit comes out.
At my former library I would engage in conversation with a white male patron. We'd have good discussions about art, culture, and the like.
One night I was on the reference desk, and he came into the building, and we began speaking, as always.
2/?
And then—and I swear to God this came out of nowhere—he offered this "compliment": "I'm so surprised that someone of your background has achieved what he's achieved," or words to that effect.
Now, like I said, if someone asks me for my background, I unabashedly say "Cuban". I have no reason to be ashamed of my Latinidad. And I know I had told him this before, since we had discussed Cuba on occasion.
I asked him what he meant.
3/?
And he went on to explain how impressive it was that someone from an impoverished, immigrant background, where scholarly pursuits were not highly valued, could achieve a master's to allow me to become a librarian.
I tried to explain to him that in Cuba my parents were middle-class, and here they worked their asses off to make sure that I and my brothers had everything we needed to succeed academically. In my family there was NEVER a question of the three of us not going to university.
4/?
I may as well have been talking to a wall. He didn't get it, and kept on with his amazement, as if I were some exotic creature who must be praised.
I bit my tongue. He left, and I got up and went to the customer service desk. That night my aide was Rosalyn, a Black woman. I looked at her. She looked at me. And I said, "That did just happen, right? I wasn't imagining it?" She nodded and said, "Yes, it did."
5/?
So yes. When Black people put themselves out there, in a space they don't consider safe, and try to open a conversation about what they go through, our job is to shut up and listen, not to center our own feelings. Not to say "not all", not to say "I would never". Listen. Learn. This man had no intention of deviating from his preconceived notions. We have to be better than that.
7/7
Very Well Said.
Thanks for this.
@LiberalLibrarian this is the first time I've read the story. Thanks for sharing.
@LiberalLibrarian
Thank you
I support healing and reconciliation. I’d be honored to sit and listen to anyone, most anytime, anywhere.
@LiberalLibrarian Sadly, this is a common occurrence for many. I finished reading White Women With a Guide to start the Unlearning, by Regina Jackson and Saira Rao. On steps to dismantling white supremacy in the workplace. Being polite and nice is not the answer if progress is to be made. Period. Hard steps to take and much needed steps, too.
@LiberalLibrarian this is the first time for me to read this story as well, but I am sure it will not be the only time I consider it as I go about being me. Thanks for sharing it and putting this out there for us.
Now this happened to me, a white, male, cishet Cuban. I felt demeaned. I felt the insult directed at my beloved family, at the sacrifices they made to get me where I am. All because in his eyes I wasn't "white", and wasn't supposed to succeed.
Now. Imagine a Black man or woman in that chair. And imagine the condescension turned up to 20. This is some version of what they go through every day. At the hands of not just KKK members, but nice, polite, white people.
6/?