Amazon won't let me upload the cover for the paperback because... 🤷
Instead, I worked with a young writer on a 5k word chapter.
98% of adverbs and 95% of gerund sentence starts are gone.
Passive restructured to active.
Tenses corrected.
Merged repeated material.
Eliminated info dumps,
Contractions are your friend in dialog.
Its now 4k, flows and has restructured sentences.
Story and voice intact! 🎉
I went from cursing Zon to having a great day!
@J_Windrow I really disapprove of rigid grammar enforcement. I can’t imagine what these unwanted functionaries would do with e. e. cummings.
(P.S. Autocorrect doesn’t know about e. e. cummings. Philistine tech!)
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@MookyTroubadour agree with you function do I of suggest personal.
@J_Windrow good it is. Can Yoda speak I.