I got scooters upgraded, finally got components to make 3d printing work again, and I have plans further to make a few things work all cool.

does surface level satisfaction supplant deep emotions?

there's a lot to work with.

In other words: I got welding to do! I got cutting to do! metals will bend to my will! :)

upon having exorbitant amounts of free time due to no longer being my passed mother's caretaker, filling my newly available time has not been difficult.

I live in an apartment. It is currently undergoing renovation.

the second it is done, I will UNFURL ALL OF THE B ULLSHIT

living life. hope you all are doing well.

People born after 2006 will never understand the exhilarating, unbridled joy that being Person of the Year brings to your life.

i don't understand how people say how it is 'hard' when they are having days when they miss a loved one particularly so.

If I feel like bawling my eyes out, I do! I feel that and I, well, not enjoy, but I *allow* myself to feel all the feels, to let myself miss my mother. To let myself feel the ostensibly selfish emotion of wishing she was still with me, in a way.

It's not a "hard day" if I'm feeling particularly emotional. I'm just feelin'. I ought to talk to my sister about it.

miss dead mom.

she is dead. ffs. I miss her

A new pickle. Am eager to trying it out tomorrow

More recently, I have discovered that if I artistically alter them, the alchemical symbols for Steel, Blood and Body resemble my initials.

Hello Coso.

Life has been moving, and I have been desperately doubling down on all of my hobbies.

Thinking about becoming an electrician, so I can triple my income, and then pay my way to electrical engineer.

Also drinking a lot less. twice a week, at this point. I'm even questioning why I do that in the first place; my hobbies have no tolerance for someone who ain't sharp!

#CoSoMusic

Yesterday I reconnected with a song I have not heard in ages. And it was a song that was only searchable via my own available music file selection. These were listed by filename, meaning that I had to recognize every group of garbage EDM I can recognize among the years of MP3s to find this song.

It was found and I am pleased. The mix I am most familiar with is here:
https://soundcloud.com/sebatu/sebatu-prayer-solarstone-mix

I have been told so much about the movie Mean Girls.

So much so that I figured it was societally relevant!

It is hard to watch for me, at this time in my life. Aberrant cruelty is just hard.

Women with arm hair. I just find that arm hair so damn charming. It's this little thing that's just like "oops, I'mma try to be like my ancestors! looky me gooo!"

Totes cute.

farts.

met up with an ancient high school friend. over the course of conversation the means of creations at my disposal was leaked and he asked me to mill some linoleum for him!

shit like this is the kick in the pants I need to get started on stuff

my next print

Thank you everyone who reads my posts. I like to have a place where no one I know is here and I can just be myself in terms of posting stuff.

And it's nice when people react! I've always kinda have been a loner, and I've come to terms with it early on, I think? Still figuring that one out.

But also I was in my late teens when discovering the internet and AOL chat rooms and fuuuuuu I was a lab rat of the wild wild west days of the internet's budding popularity oh geez

It's odd tho; I feel like I should feel guilty in some form or another, that what I've gone through the past two and a half years didn't fully prepare me emotionally, that it would have had a bigger impact aside from the frequent welling of tears and a good hard cry once or twice a week. I guess I feel guilty for not feeling guilty? is that a thing? Am I emotionally better off for someone in my position? my fears of secretly being a soc/path have long since been assuaged. shucks i'm welling up.

One month later.

I have dived (dove?) whole-hog into my hobbies that have laid dormant, with time restrictions lifted. I've assembled what I think is the best collection of things I got in order to get creating in a way I was only able to dream of even months ago.

It required a lot of careless spending, but I can manage it. My 3d printer has been upgrated from a tiny Tina 2 with a 10x10cm bed to an FLSUN v400, I have a 40w CO2 laser cutter, and a CNC upgrade that will allowe me to cut aluminum

I feel like i'm more vulnerable to crying lately, myself. Also I did cry, but it was most probably aided by a memory of her and me feeling how it was like back then, to insert myself in the memory.

Okay! a lot has happened. I've learned a few things about speed controllers for 3-phase motors!

It's super interesting! If/When I go back to school I can finally flood this community with bothersome engineering vernacular.