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And if it says Dupont on the label you know it's good

A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting.
I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

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"Kindness is my go-to, but fuck off is my wingman."

I know that I've had enough coffee when I can thread the needle on a running sewing machine

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"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." -- Redd Foxx